


Like A Gospel

by lehuit



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Homophobia, M/M, Minor Violence, Religious Conflict, Secret Relationship, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:21:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23858257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lehuit/pseuds/lehuit
Summary: Soonyoung stared at him intently, watching how the boy enticed every person in the room with his melodic voice as he sang the gospel that he knows by heart.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Wen Jun Hui | Jun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

_You say your grace, you sing for God every Sunday_

_And at the altar between your legs, I pray_

* * *

Soonyoung stared at him intently, watching how the boy enticed every person in the room with his melodic voice as he sang the gospel that he knows by heart. Their eyes met and he saw the faint smile the boy offered him before looking away. The mass proceeded with the pastor sharing the word of God that Soonyoung couldn’t even care about. He was busy staring at the pretty boy on the corner where the choir settled. After several yawns and hisses by his parents, Soonyoung finally thanked _God_ because it was over. He stood up and stretched out his arms, groaning at the sore he felt at his lower back. Few people glared at him but most of them were too indulgent to see their friends and engaged in light conversation.

  
  


“Can you stop doing that?” His mother asked him in annoyance, Soonyoung shrugged and stood properly. Sure enough he’ll hear an earful of it later, when they are in the car and when his parents are done showing their kindness to other people. 

  
  


“Come on, let’s greet the Pastor.” His father said, walking forward to the altar where the pastor seems to be busy thanking a family for their offering. Soonyoung followed his parents quietly, not even a tad interested in what the elders were talking about. Soonyoung looked around and saw the pretty boy out of his choir robe, instead he was wearing plain sleeves folded up to his elbows and black trousers that hugged his thighs. 

  
  


“Jun, dear.” The pastor called. Soonyoung snapped out of his bubble when the pretty boy approached them. He smiled timidly and hugged the neatly folded robe close to his chest. 

  
  


“This is my son, Junhui.” The pastor introduced the said boy bowed as a sign of respect and greeted Soonyoung’s parents. _Jun_ , Soonyoung thought.

  
  


“This is Soonyoung.” His father pulled him close and Soonyoung had no choice but to smile forcefully. Jun looked at him and gave him a sweet smile, offering a handshake which Soonyoung gladly took. 

  
  


“Nice to meet you.” Jun said, Soonyoung couldn’t utter a word after. He let go of Jun’s hand and nodded curtly. 

  
  


“Would you like to join us for afternoon tea?” The pastor invited his parents who gladly said yes.

  
  


“Excuse me, I have to go and return the songbooks to the basement. I will see you later, father.” Jun excused himself politely with a charming smile. 

  
  


“Why don’t you tag Soonyoung along with you, dear? They just moved here, I’m sure he needs a new friend.” The pastor suggested. Jun's gaze turned to Soonyoung. 

  
  


“Ah, yes. You two are in the same age, fair enough you’ll get along well.” Soonyoung’s mother agreed. 

  
  


“Shall we?” Jun asked him, Soonyoung again nodded and let his parents walk away from him. As the crowd dispersed, Soonyoung helped Jun carry the songbook back to the basement. Not uttering a word but occasionally stealing glances now and then. 

  
  


“I saw you earlier, you know.” Jun mumbled as he arranged the books back to the shelves. Soonyoung looked at him with confusion. 

  
  


“You kept yawning.” Jun explained. Soonyoung nodded in understanding and leaned against the doorway.

  
  


“Do I have to apologize for my rude behavior?” Soonyoung sarcastically said, Jun chuckled. Not minding the slight bite in Soonyoung’s word.

  
  


“You’re already forgiven.” Soonyoung raised an eyebrow but Jun just gave him a smile. 

* * *

Soonyoung’s family kept attending the mass every Sunday and Soonyoung was forced to come with them even if Soonyoung just yawns and let his eyes linger to Jun every mass. But the good thing Soonyoung gets every Sunday is he gets to spend time with Jun because apparently, his parents also grew closer to the pastor and they always have some tea or coffee after the mass. Soonyoung helps Jun with whatever he is doing after mass. Soonyoung gets to know Jun bit by bit. Soon after, they both became comfortable around each other. Soonyoung knew things about Jun because Jun tells him. He knew that Jun is older than him by five days, he knows Jun likes to dance, too. Jun mostly spends his time doing church chores, if not, reading the bible. He joined the choir just to have a circle he can somehow call friends because Jun is shy around people.

“I could be your friend.” Soonyoung jokingly offered, Jun giggled in response. Soonyoung felt a light tug on his chest when he saw the sweet smile. One fascinating thing about Jun that Soonyoung realized is that Jun is effortlessly beautiful. Tantalizing eyes, high nose, plump lips with two lovely moles above it. In some days, Soonyoung drifts away with just the thought of that. He wonders what it feels like to kiss those lovely lips. 

  
  


“You are my friend.” Jun emphasized, he stared at Soonyoung with conviction and gentle smile. The other smiled back at him. Uttering no words but letting Jun know he’s grateful.

* * *

Sometimes, Jun opens up to him. Like how he feels lonely, how he misses his mom. And Soonyoung just listens because Jun needs a friend and that’s what Soonyoung is. He sits quietly beside Jun and let him pour his feelings out while they are at the basement of the chapel, it was their rendezvous.

* * *

One Sunday, Jun plays the piano for him. He watches Jun sing sincerely, he wasn’t just Jun’s friend, he is also his audience. Jun also reads him poetry while Jun leans against him. Jun asks him about his thoughts about it. He’s also a listener. He is everything Jun wants him to be.

* * *

Soonyoung looks forward to meeting Jun every Sunday but he chose not to tell. Not when that Sunday he saw Jun talking to a girl outside the church. They were all smiling and laughing. Soonyoung felt sick, felt something he never felt before. He felt jealous. He told his parents he’ll be staying in the car because he feels like he was about to vomit. His parents offered to skip the mass and take him to the hospital, Soonyoung declined and said he’ll just follow them inside if he feels better. His parents agreed and left the keys with him. Soonyoung just sat inside the tinted car, watching Jun. The jealousy drowned him even more when he saw Jun went in with the girl with his hand on her back. He didn’t follow his parents inside, instead he stayed in the car, fists closed tightly and annoyance radiated in him. He knew how much he liked Jun but again, he is anything but Jun’s lover. 

  
  


Jun didn’t have the chance to ask Mr. And Mrs. Kwon about Soonyoung because his father said they headed out early because Soonyoung wasn’t feeling good. Jun worried and prayed for Soonyoung’s well-being. He stacked the books alone, practiced playing the piano alone and just stayed in the basement alone until it was time to go home. He sighed to himself when he left, missing the presence of the boy who he looked forward to spending his after mass with.

* * *

The next Sunday, Soonyoung didn’t have to lie to skip church day. He had to go to his classmate’s house because they agreed upon the decision to have a general practice before their assessment. His parents were reluctant and he heard them say that Sunday should be church day and family day but Soonyoung promised to avoid scheduling Sunday errands with his fingers crossed. Jun saw Soonyoung’s parents sitting on their usual seats but again, without Soonyoung. He immediately felt sad and may God forgive him for being distracted all throughout the mass. His father had his usual tea with Soonyoung’s parents. Jun again spent the entire afternoon alone. He was sweeping the basement floor when his father knocked on the door, with Soonyoung’s parents behind him.

  
  


“Mrs. Kwon invited us to have dinner in their house.” His father said, he looked at Mrs. Kwon who smiled at him sweetly. 

  
  


“Soonyoung’s probably there by now.” She said, answering Jun’s unsaid question. Jun nodded and thanked them. They bid their goodbye to the Kwons before heading back to their house. Jun changed into his casual clothes, staring at his reflection for quite some time. When he was quite satisfied, he went down and followed his father to their driveway. 

  
  


Soonyoung heard his parents arrive, he was about to shower so he didn’t welcome them. He heard his mom knock on his door, she was saying something that Soonyoung couldn’t hear. 

  
  


“I’m in the shower!” He yelled loud enough. He heard no response so his mother was just probably checking on him. He dressed himself and dived back to his bed to relax before dinner. He was busy reading his book when he heard a car pull into the driveway again. He paid no mind, he thought it was just his dad re-parking their car. When he heard someone softly knocking on his door, he again thought it was just his mom telling him the dinner’s ready. He thought his mom went down already but there was another knock. 

  
  


“Soonyoung?” Soonyoung bolted out of his bed when he heard that voice. He hurriedly opened the door and with no doubt, he stood corrected. Jun was standing in front of his room, eyes wide and lips half pouting. Jun is still wearing his Sunday outfit. Soonyoung feels like he hasn't seen the other for ages. Jun stood beautifully in front of him.

  
  


“What are you doing here?” Soonyoung asked with unintentional rudeness. Jun felt a pinch of hurt visible on his face. Soonyoung went back to his bed and grabbed his book. 

“Your mom told me,” Soonyoung turned his back at him and didn’t listen to what Jun said next. It wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear. Little did he know how Jun desperately wants to tell him that he missed him.

“Are you just gonna stand there all night?” He asked without batting his eyes off his book. Jun sighed and cautiously entered Soonyoung’s room. Taking a good look at the room. It smelled like him, it was cozy like him. Jun thought. 

“Are you mad at me?” Jun asked straightforwardly. Soonyoung scoffed and turned to the next page. He did not answer until Junhui was standing on the side of his bed. Staring down at him. 

“Is there any reason why I should be?” He spoke, Jun didn’t say anything. He just stared at Soonyoung with those wide brown eyes with tears tempting to fall. He missed him greatly, so did Soonyoung but the both of them hesitate to let the other know about what they feel. 

“Soonyoung.” Jun called desperately. He was on the verge of crying and he didn’t understand why either. He doesn’t understand why Soonyoung, the boy who is sweet and gentle with him, is so different from Soonyoung in front of him. He doesn’t understand why Soonyoung seems to be mad at him. He doesn’t know why nor what to do. He’s been longing to see the other but seems like Soonyoung doesn’t share the same sentiment. 

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked, trying to guess. Soonyoung scoffed and harshly closed the book. He stared back at Jun with cold eyes. His eyes are filled with anger that Jun doesn’t know where it came from. Soonyoung clicked his tongue and sat up on the edge of his bed. Jun stepped back, not breaking their eye contact. 

“I don’t think we should be spending time with each other anymore.” Soonyoung said, Jun hitched a breath. He felt like someone grabbed him by the neck and throttled him. The tears that were pooling around his eyes earlier started falling down. 

“Please, no.” Jun begged, froze on his spot. Afraid that if he takes a step closer to Soonyoung, it will drive the other away furthermore. Soonyoung’s face glinted with a pinch of regret when he saw Jun cry. _His Jun_ cried because of _him._

“I’m sorry.” Soonyoung mumbled before pulling Jun closer. Jun muffled a cry when Soonyoung kissed him, it was chaste. It was gentle like Soonyoung is scared that he’d break him. More tears fell down, Soonyoung pulled away and stared at Jun. He smiled sadly. 

“That’s why.” Soonyoung said and let go of his hands. Before Jun could even answer him, they were called for dinner. They both ate quietly while their parents engaged in their conversation about something. It wasn’t evident that Jun cried and was preoccupied because his father and Soonyoung’s parents know him as a quiet person. He stole a quick glance at the boy in front of him. Soonyoung tries his best to ignore him, not meeting his gaze. What more should Soonyoung do? He is already doing Jun a favor by staying away from him. 

Jun said nothing to Soonyoung even after dinner, his father and he bid their goodbyes and gratitude to the Kwons before they went home. Soonyoung accepted the fact that Junhui is now just someone he can look at from afar. But Soonyoung knew it was better that way. He knew how conservative from their church can be and it will probably just make things awkward or worse if he tries to be with Jun more. 

* * *

It was Wednesday night, Soonyoung went home past dinner time because of some school activities he needed to finish. His parents were nowhere to be found but he saw a note on the kitchen counter. His mom went out and his dad will be late. Thinking he will spend his night alone, he proceeded to his bedroom. He couldn’t say a word when he saw Jun sleeping soundly on his bed. He was leaning against the headboard and his eyes were closed. Unsure of why the other is in his room, he tapped Jun’s shoulder lightly.

“Wake up.” Jun flinched and slowly opened his eyes. He jumped a little when he saw Soonyoung standing beside him already.

“How did you get in here?” Soonyoung asked him. 

“Your mom let me in.” Jun stuttered as he fiddled with his fingers. Soonyoung raised an eyebrow in suspicion. 

“And how come she didn’t tell me?” Jun stared back at him with those big brown eyes. Soonyoung wanted nothing more than to kiss him again. 

“I sort of told her you’re expecting to see me today. She told me she had some errands and it’s okay if I wait here.” Jun confessed. 

“Why would you tell her that?” Soonyoung asked, his confusion growing more and more. 

“I wanted to see you.” Jun mumbled but Soonyoung heard him perfectly clear. He would be lying if he said that didn’t make his heart skip a beat. 

“Again, why?” Jun sighed and bit his lower lip. 

“I think you know why.” Jun answered him before smiling shyly. Soonyoung exhaled and cupped Jun’s cheek. He leaned closer to the other. 

“I need to hear it from you.” Soonyoung whispered. 

“Soonyoung.” Jun breathes heavily, their lips almost touching. Soonyoung waits for Jun to say it. 

“I like you.” Jun said before Soonyoung closed the distance between them. Jun responded to his kisses, Soonyoung tried to be gentle as he could. He caressed Jun’s cheeks, rubbing his thumb against Jun’s skin. Having Jun that close feels feverish, feels like his skin was touching something warmth, it burns but at the same time it doesn’t hurt. Soonyoung broke the kiss and let their lips linger close.

“Are you sure about that?” He whispered, Jun nodded slowly with a small smile ghosting on his lips. 

“I like you.” Jun repeated as he giggled. Soonyoung chuckled and found his lips clashed with Junhui’s again. They spent the night in Soonyoung’s bed, with Soonyoung’s hand on hiss waist. Jun smiles sweetly after sharing a kiss. When Jun had to go home, Soonyoung walked him out of the door and watched Jun until he was out of sight. He was biting his lip, remembering how soft Jun’s lips felt like. 

Then, Sunday went back to normal again. Except it wasn’t. Jun put the books back, Soonyoung watching him intently. Jun had to speak. 

“Staring is rude, you know.” Jun said. Soonyoung let out a low chuckle and folded his sleeves. 

“Really? I’m not sorry.” Soonyoung kid and approached Jun who pouted adorably. Jun cupped Soonyoung’s cheeks and pecked on his lips quickly. Soonyoung said nothing after, he just gently pushed Jun against the shelf and kissed Jun without thinking. Messy hair, swollen lips and wrinkled dress shirt. Jun was drunk with the thought of Soonyoung. It was a spiral. _Soonyoung, Soonyoung, Soonyoung._

* * *

Then consistently one weekday, it’s either Jun coming over Soonyoung’s or Soonyoung fetching Jun after choir practice. And Sunday after mass, they spent time in the basement, enjoying their own little world until it’s over.

“Can I tell my friends about you?” Jun asked out of the blue that Thursday night, as he read one of Soonyoung’s book. 

“Why?” Soonyoung asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion. It’s not like he didn’t want Jun to talk about him, he’s confused why would Jun even ask him. 

“Well, Jeonghan saw you one time. He kept asking me about you, then he asked me yesterday if you’re my boyfriend. I didn’t know what to answer because I wasn’t sure if I am allowed to call you my boyfriend.” Jun explained, Soonyoung snickered and gestured to him to come closer. Jun stood up from his seat and sat next to Soonyoung. 

“You can call me anything you want, Junnie. You’re allowed to talk about your boyfriend if you want to.” He said genuinely, Jun smiled back and nodded timidly. 

“But are you sure you’re okay with other people knowing?” Soonyoung cupped Jun’s cheek, the other leaned and mumbled a soft hum. 

“I can trust Jeonghan.” He answered before closing the gap between them. Jun soon straddled to Soonyoung’s lap as the other held him by the waist. Soonyoung trails down wet kisses in Junhui’s neck, Jun whimpered. Then, there’s a sudden knock on the door. 

“Boys, the dinner is ready.” Mrs. Kwon said, the two froze in their spot as they stared at the closed door. They heard the footsteps walk away. 

“Goodness.” Jun nuzzled on Soonyoung’s neck and giggled. Soonyoung laughed hard and hugged his boyfriend tight. 

“Well, that was close.” Soonyoung said in between his laugh. Causing Jun to be embarrassed than he already is.

* * *

The first time Soonyoung met Junhui’s friend was the time he was cornered while waiting for Jun;s dismissal. The blond one smiled devilishly at him and he was pretty sure it was Jeonghan. 

“Junnie’s still inside, cleaning up.” He said. Soonyoung curtly nodded and looked away from the three men ganging him up in front of a chapel. The three men were looking at him like they were trying to crack Soonyoung open using their eyes. 

Soonyoung then coughed and put his hands in his pockets as he kicked the pebble. Jeonghan chuckled and approached him.

“Don’t be a snob.” Jeonghan said and patted his shoulder,”We just want to meet the great Soonyoung he’s been talking about.” He added. Soonyoung gave him a bored look and Jeonghan grinned even more. 

“Seungcheol, Joshua and I are older than Junhui so I suppose we’re also older than you.” He continued. Soonyoung said nothing and wished that Jun would come out so that his friends could stop pestering him already.

“He’s not really interested, Han.” The brunette laughed and Jeonghan chuckled.

“Soonyoung, right?” The brunetted asked, he nodded curtly,“I’m Jisoo. This is Seungcheol.” He pointed to the raven haired guy. 

“We just want to introduce ourselves. Jeonghan is just tripping.” He snickered while Seungcheol shook his head. 

“I am not. I am about to warn him that I’ll kick his ass if,” 

“Hannie.” A displeased person said from behind them. The four of them looked at Jun who was slightly pouting as his arms were crossed. Soonyoung smirked and Jun immediately found himself clinging in Soonyoung’s arm. 

“You said you’ll be nice!” Junhui referred to Jeonghan. 

“But I am nice.” Jeonghan defended. 

“You were scaring Soonie.” He answered disapprovingly. 

“I’m not scared.” Soonyoung interrupted. Jun looked at him with his lips still slightly pouting. Soonyoung chuckled and quickly pecked on Jun’s lips. 

“Let’s get you home.” He simply said. Jun didn’t argue and waved goodbye to his friends who had wide grins on their face. 

“Hannie is really overprotective.” He commented as they walked home. 

“I can see that.” Soonyoung answered. Jun distanced himself from Soonyoung and smiled sweetly. 

“Do you want to help me with my assignments?” Jun asked him, Soonyoung laughed and cupped Jun’s cheek as he nodded as affirmation. He didn’t help at all. He only kissed Jun and pinned him on the bed while the other giggled and kissed back. 

* * *

Sunday that week, Soonyoung accompanied Junhui at the basement again. He let Jun arrange the books as he picked one and read quietly. But before he could even flip the page to the next page, Jun took the book out of his hand and straddle on his lap. Soonyoung held Jun’s waist and raised an eyebrow, questioning him. 

“Pay attention.” Jun said before chasing his lips. Soonyoung happily responded and let Jun lead him however he wanted. He can tell Junhui wanted something. Jun isn’t the initiative type, he is usually delicate. The person sitting on his lap wants something more and he is more than willing to give. 

“Not here.” Soonyoung mumbled against Jun’s lips. He squeezed Jun’s ass lightly, Jun gasped and nodded. Giggling when he realized the sound that came out of his mouth.

“You’re so adorable.” Soonyoung snickered and kissed him again. Soon after, they finished the task and told their parents Jun’s going to help Soonyoung with his project. Mrs. Kwon happily invited Jun for dinner and the Pastor nodded and let him go. Before they could even close the main door, Soonyoung pinned him against the door. Jun looked at him and giggled. 

“Impatient.” Jun said as he traced Soonyoung’s face. Soonyoung kissed the back of Jun’s hand before pulling him to his bedroom. Clothes messily disregarded, Junhui even laughed and Soonyoung loved the sound of it. 

“Are you sure?” Soonyoung asked, Jun stared at him for a good minute before smiling. Then he nodded, leaning forward to kiss Soonyoung’s lips again. 

* * *

It’s a bliss for Soonyoung, having Jun so close, having him moaning and writhing below him. Soonyoung made sure all his unsaid feelings were delivered. As he marked Jun in places they could only see, as he thrust inside him slowly, like he’s afraid he might break him. Junhui received it all, his honey voice breaking, leaving him with broken moans and gasps as he rode orgasm. Soonyoung isn’t a fan of love, he never believed that someone was meant to be his downfall but he looked at Jun and knew he was wrong.

“What are you thinking about?” Jun mumbled, brushing Soonyoung’s hair off his face. Soonyoung grinned and shook his head. 

“Do you ever dream of getting out of this town?” Soonyoung asked him instead. Out of the blue, he thought of it. He knew that Junhui was born and raised in their town, it’s probably home for him but Soonyoung had to ask.

“As long as I’m getting out with you.” Jun jokingly answered. Soonyoung chuckled and pecked on Junhui’s soft lips, letting his lips linger for a while and smirked because Jun chased his lips when he pulled back.

“I want an honest answer.” He said, Jun blinked and sighed.

“I.. don’t know.” Junhui whispered because he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to. He grew up in a place where you'll be frowned upon if people knew you did something indecent. But what is indecency, that’s what Jun asked himself. Is it indecent to love someone so unconditionally? Is it indecent to hold someone’s hand and never letting go? Is it indecent to give yourself to the person you make you feel that you matter the most? Is it indecent or are people just pretentious and hypocrite?

“You don’t have to answer right now.” Soonyoung told him, smiling so gently as if he knew what’s going on inside Junhui’s mind. Jun smiled back and nodded. 

* * *

It seems like inviting Jun for dinner on Wednesday night became a routine in Soonyoung’s household and he won’t even complain because he’s happy enough to eat with his parents and his boyfriend without being questioned. But it all went downhill when his mother asked him about someone.

“You know Mr. Baek’s son right? He’s in your class.” His mother said, Soonyoung then looked up and nodded. Oblivious of what was about to happen.

“You haven’t been seeing him in school nowadays?” His mother again asked. Junhui listened intently, it’s unusual to hear Soonyoung’s parents talk about someone they aren’t close to.

“Yeah, someone said he dropped out.” Soonyoung answered casually. 

“Poor kid.” Mr. Kwon shook his head, joining the conversation. Soonyoung and Junhui shared a confused look.

“He left home when his father beat him. He’s nowhere to be found.” Soonyoung’s mother said. Soonyoung didn’t know what else to say. He remembers the kid, always smiling and looks like he’s worry free. 

“Mr. Baek is a good man. He attends our church, even donated at times in need.” Jun argued in disbelief. Soonyoung wanted to tell him that people hide their worst self in the closet. That there are wolves in a sheep’s clothing but before he could even say something, the bomb was dropped. 

“His son came out to him, he said he’s gay and that’s when Mr. Baek started to treat his son badly. It got worse and worse, the boy couldn’t handle it and ran off to God knows where.” Soonyoung saw how Junhui’s face turned pale, how there were tears pooling in his eyes. Soonyoung knew why. Jun excused himself quickly and left the table. Soonyoung didn’t even hesitate to follow him. Soonyoung quickly pulled him to the garage, supporting Jun in his both sides. 

“Soonyoung.” He trembled. His voice cracked. Soonyoung couldn’t handle seeing Junhui in that terrible state. 

“I’m here. I’m right here.” Soonyoung said, hugging Junhui tightly. He didn't ask, he knew. He already knew that Jun is terrified. Later that night, Soonyoung was asked about Jun, he said Jun felt sick. Not knowing it was the last time he’ll see Jun.

_As long as I’m getting out with you._

_As long as I’m getting out with you._

_As long as I’m getting out with you._

Jun left without him.


	2. Chapter 2

What is it they say about love again? Ah, Soonyoung thought, love lets you see the light at the end of a dark road. It guides you where you belong, it brings you back to somewhere you considered paradise. Ever since Junhui left, Soonyoung tried his best to ask about his whereabouts. Pastor Wen wouldn't exactly answer his question, all he says is,"Jun's alright." With so much confidence, Soonyoung almost believed it. But then he remembered that the last time he saw Junhui was when they knew about what happened to Mr. Baek's son. It didn't put Soonyoung at rest, he was desperate. So he reached out to Jun's friends. 

“I don’t really know, man.” Jeonghan shrugged, his bag carelessly hanging on his shoulder. Soonyoung stared at him intently, Jeonghan looked back and sighed. 

“Let him. He’ll probably come back, sometimes it just gets too much for him. What he heard about the kid, it scared the hell out of him.” Jeonghan said honestly, Soonyoung knew but weren’t it better if they’d handle it together? He thought. Frustratedly, he went home empty handed. Without any idea where his boyfriend went off to.

Three weeks after, Pastor Wen bid his goodbye to the town and its people. He left out and Soonyoung’s heart was shattered. Every sunday, he looks at the platform where Jun stands and sings his grace, Soonyoung sometimes hallucinates that Jun is there, standing and stealing quick glances at him. Smiling sweetly after. Then Soonyoung blinks and he realizes Junhui wasn’t there, not anymore.

Time passed slowly in Soonyoung’s pace, he missed Junhui more and more. He tries to bury the longing but Junhui is nowhere to be found but he lingers in Soonyoung’s chair, bed and mind. No matter how Soonyoung tries, Junhui is intact in his being. Like a tattoo.

No one knew where Pastor and his son went, not a trace nor news about them ever showed up. Soonyoung visits the old house every Sunday. Eventually, Soonyoung stopped going. 

Soonyoung stopped hoping. But never did he stop loving him.

Six months after, Soonyoung got his driver’s license and took the car to unwind. He didn’t bother to check what town he just entered, he was about to leave the parking lot of a diner when he saw someone familiar.  _ too familiar that he couldn’t be wrong.  _

* * *

Right after Junhui left the Kwon’s household, he went directly to the church to seek for his father. He begged him to allow him to confess. So he did. 

“Father, forgive me for I am in love,” Junhui sobbed as he intertwined his hands tightly,”For I am in love with a man.” He confessed, crying because he’s terrified of what his father might think, of what others may think, of what others might do to Soonyoung. A flash of Soonyoung’s smile shattered his heart into pieces.

There was silence on the other side so Junhui had no choice but cry, cry and cry until he felt like he was going to explode. 

  
  


“What do you want to do?” His father asked, monotone. Junhui tried to answer but no words came out of his mouth. Until he decided to run away because he’s a coward. He ran away with the taste of Soonyoung’s lips against his. Oh dear God, he’ll miss him. So damn much. Then that moment, Jun didn’t know what was the purpose of living anymore but he ran away where no one knew who he was, he left the town that he thought he’d live forever in. 

  
  


Two bus stations later, he was in a new town with no one knowing who he was. No friends, his father left behind, no  _ Soonyoung. _ Tears rolling down his cheeks, he’s sorry but he couldn’t handle the constant fear of being judged by the people who you grew up knowing. He stayed in a hostel, laying on a cold hard bed, he cried.

He cried for himself.

He cried because all over him, Soonyoung left a mark. 

_ I’m sorry. _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ There’s no excuse, I’m sorry.  _

_ I’m sorry.  _

_ I love you. _

_ So much that it scared me.  _

_ I’m sorry.  _

For days, Junhui dreamt of Soonyoung. His laugh, his smile, the way he looks at Jun like he was the only person he could see. After that, he dreamt of the people. Of how they whisper amongst their group of people after mass. Of how they look at the teenagers who they see as a  _ disappointment. _ Then he dreamt of harsh hands punching him just because they can, just because Junhui wouldn’t fight back. Those people whisper, telling him he’s a good for nothing. Sometimes, in his dream they say something different. 

_ You’re such a disgrace.  _

_ What an utter shame. You call yourself a child of God? _

Then he woke up, shaking but there was no one who could hold him. So he cries himself back to sleep. He dreams of nothing, just a void where he felt lonely and horrified. He moved out of the motel when his father followed him weeks after. They bought a new home, it was smaller than his previous home, less cozier. The dreams never stopped haunting him for months. 

He and his father have not spoken about what happened before, it wasn’t suffocating anymore, his father treats him the same. But Jun knows his father pities him whenever he sees Jun’s puffy eyes and tired expression. Junhui finally decided to distract himself from the thoughts that lingered on his head all the time, so he got a part-time job. After school, he helps his father with church duties and right after that he works in a diner as a waiter. He comes home, dead tired so he retires to sleep, he stopped dreaming then.

* * *

“How’s your college application?” His father asked him at dinner one night. Junhui looked up from his plate.

  
  


“The state college seems pretty decent, father,” He was cut.

  
  


“Junhui, you don’t have to settle for just decent.” His father said with a worried expression. Junhui doesn’t know what to think of it. He made his mind up already, he’ll go to the state college and help out his father with the church. Maybe after college, he can teach at the daycare next to the church. 

  
  


“You’ve got to step out of your comfort zone.” His father added, as if he knew what goes on Junhui’s mind. As if he knew the night terrors, as if he knew the pain Jun had been going through. _ Of course, he knows. _ He has been raising Junhui since he was a kid. He knew what happened to Junhui before and how it made Jun build walls around him. He also knew he had never seen Junhui so happy like he was when Soonyoung came. He was surprised when Junhui confessed but he’s his son and all he wants is for him to be happy. 

  
  


“I’ll think about it, father.” Junhui dismissed, quietly finishing his dinner. He bid his goodbye to his father before going to work. Junhui’s duty hours aren’t hectic hours, most of their customers were passer by, drunk people who decided to take a coffee or students who are all nighters. 

  
  


“Jun, table 6.” The cashier said, Junhui nodded and took his notepad. 

  
  


“Good evening! May I take your order?” He asked, not batting his eyes off the pad. The customer did not reply, thinking that maybe they were still deciding. 

  
  


“Shall I come back if you have decided?” Before he could even look up from his pad. The customer spoke. 

  
  


_ “Junnie.” _ Then Junhui was staring right into Soonyoung’s eyes. 

* * *

After months of longing for someone he thought he’ll never see again, Soonyoung doesn’t know what else to say to Junhui. He can see that Junhui is physically fine, he even dyed his hair auburn. What he wants to know is if inside, he’s still intact but Soonyoung thinks he doesn’t even need to ask. 

  
  


“You’re working.” Soonyoung mumbled, stating the fact as he looked at Junhui’s apron, name tag and even the pad that he’s holding. Junhui did not respond, he was just staring at Soonyoung. 

  
  


“What time will you clock off? Maybe I can wait for you, I’m currently staying in town.” Soonyoung lied, well not technically lying, he could stay for two more days just because..  _ Junhui. _

  
  


“Junnie.” He called, trying to snap Junhui out of his daze which seems to work. Junhui looked at him with wide eyes and then looked away for a second. 

  
  


“If you don’t want to catch up, I understand.” Soonyoung said. His boyfriend, _ or should he call him his ex-boyfriend now? _ , instantly looked back at him like he was afraid that Soonyoung would disappear out of thin air and quickly shrieked  _ No! _

  
  


“Don’t wait for me… just tell me where you’ll be staying.” Junhui finally spoke. Soonyoung thinks about, really thinks about it because he has no fucking idea where he’ll be staying. 

  
  


“I haven’t found a place to stay yet.” He said honestly, unexpectedly Junhui giggled a bit. Soonyoung’s heart melted, his insides were crushed into pieces. He longed for that, he longed for the man in front of him and all he wants to do is kiss him and tell him how much he loves him. Soonyoung didn’t do anything but watched Junhui scribble on his pad and tear the pad. 

  
  


“That’s a motel.” Junhui said and offered a gentle smile before walking away. Soonyoung stared at the pad and when he was about to leave, a paper bag was placed in front of him.

  
  


“Junnie said it’s on his tab. Have a good night.” The waitress said. Soonyoung grabbed the paper bag and looked around, Junhui wasn’t around so he walked out of the diner. In his car, he peeked at the bag and smiled a bit. There was a note with no letter written on it. Just a huge smiley face and a tiny heart on the side. 

  
  


“God, I love him.” Soonyoung muttered before driving away. 

* * *

Junhui tried to steady his breathing. He wants to cry, not because he’s sad. Because he missed him so bad that it felt like he was just hallucinating. He wanted to wrap himself with Soonyoung’s arms, he wanted to tell him about everything he’d been through because Junhui knows Soonyoung will never judge him, he will just hold him and tell him that those people that haunt his dreams don’t matter. Soonyoung will assure him that he has him even after all this time. 

* * *

Soonyoung ate what Junhui gave and basically just stared at the muted television until the receptionist called him, telling him that someone’s looking for him. He said Jun’s a friend. So he just waited by the door like an idiot. Junhui knocked twice and he immediately opened the door. No one said anything until they were facing each other while sitting on the bed. 

  
  


“I’m sorry.” Junhui started. The man’s smile dissipated and finally, Soonyoung knew what was under Junhui’s sleeve. They are in a room with nothing but just naked truth. Soonyoung reached for Junhui but the other moved away. 

  
  


“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Jun sobbed, tears started streaming down his face. Soonyoung wanted to hold him but Junhui kept dodging him, like he’s afraid he’ll burn him. 

  
  


“You don’t deserve what I did. I’m sorry.” Junhui kept repeating his apologies, Soonyoung’s heart was getting shattered and scattered every time. Junhui stood up and covered his mouth. Soonyoung never saw him like this, Junhui never let Soonyoung see his demon. 

  
  


“Listen to me!” Soonyoung raised his voice as he grasped Junhui's arm, he looked at him, how wrecked he was, Soonyoung hugged him tight. 

  
  


“I’m here.” Soonyoung mumbled, Junhui felt his knees wobble, he leaned on Soonyoung’s body, letting the latter support his weight as he bare himself from the horrors he had.

  
  


“I’m sorry.” He cried. Soonyoung softly hushed him, kissing his temple as he guided them back to the bed. 

  
  


“Please talk to me.” Soonyoung begged, Junhui didn’t but instead, he kissed him. Soonyoung was still at first, registering that he could taste the tears, so he cupped Junhui’s jaw, kissed him back. Kissed like he did back then. Kissed him like he was the only god he can worship. Junhui was still sobbing in between their kisses, hiccuping but he kissed Soonyoung because he longs for him and he can’t tell Soonyoung anything else, so he just made him feel it. 

Junhui straddled in Soonyoung’s lap, not breaking the kiss. He had his arms around his shoulders and Soonyoung’s hands on his both sides. He gasped for air and Soonyoung took that chance to slide his tongue into Junhui’s mouth, licking Junhui’s bottom lip and biting it softly. Junhui moaned lowly, causing some kind of reaction in Soonyoung’s cock. He tightened his grip on Junhui’s waist, wouldn’t bruise but he was sure Jun would feel it for a while. 

  
  


“I love you.” Junhui mumbled somewhere in between. Soonyoung pecked on his lips then proceeded to kiss his forehead.  _ I love you too _ . He failed to utter when Jun kissed him again.

What is it they say about love again?  _ Love lets you see the light at the end of the dark road. _ Junhui is his light. And when he left, it was dark again. He kept walking and walking on that dark road for a long time. He lost hope that he’ll ever get out of that road, he felt like he was in a loop. But here, in a motel out of Junhui’s escape, with Junhui writhing underneath him, moaning his name like it was the only prayer he ever said.  _ He found the light again. _ He kissed Junhui who responded and tugged on Soonyoung’s hair, Soonyoung swiftly thrusted back into Junhui. A choked moan came out of Junhui’s lips. Soonyoung kept his pace.  _ Soonyoung knew this is where he belonged, in Junhui’s hold. _ This is his paradise,  _ wherever Junhui is.  _

* * *

“When I was eleven,” Junhui mumbled against the blanket he hugged close to him. Soonyoung listened,“there were boys who loathed me because I’m not like them. I never liked what they did, I grew up with them but I never really.. joined them in the things they do because what they do is horrible. I was always shy and I prefer helping my father in the church than hanging around the children in our neighborhood. I did try because father told me to but it didn't go well. They were being rude to the homeless man who lived in the playground. I had to do something. So I told my father about it, apparently they were reprimanded about it… and,” Jun paused. He was just staring at the wall on his side, Soonyoung pulled him closer, spooning him as he kissed Junhui’s shoulder blade. 

  
  


“After school, they cornered me in an alley and they beat me, telling me terrible things. I went home, got admitted to a hospital for weeks because they hit my head. That became the talk of town, everyone was talking about it, even after mass, they whispered about it. When… your mother said something about Mr. Baek.. I was terrified.” Junhui shifted and turned around to face Soonyoung. There were tears rolling down his cheeks again so Soonyoung wiped it away. 

  
  


“Because people hide their worst self in their closets so I know that they hate people who do not abide with their principles and they will crush those people until those people will question themselves, they will not stop until they mess you up. I was scared what if someone found out about us? What will they do to me? To  _ you _ ? I couldn’t. I couldn’t live in a life where I was afraid, after I left your house, I confessed to my father and he said nothing when I did. That scared me more because what if he hates me like how Mr. Baek hated his son? It suffocated me. I left. I didn’t tell you because I knew that one look at you, I wouldn’t. I had to. I’m sorry.” Soonyoung couldn’t say anything else, he leaned closer to Jun and pressed a light kiss on his forehead. 

  
  


“I love you.” Soonyoung whispered. “ _For all that you are, for all that you’ve been through. I love you because I do. I choose you because I love you and people can’t say anything about that,_ ” He added. Junhui needed to hear that. 

  
  


“I will love you as much as I can, Junnie.” He kissed him. Junhui nodded slowly, like he was enticed with everything Soonyoung said. 

As Junhui slept soundly next to him, Soonyoung thought of what Junhui had just Junhui said. He was determined to seek the approval of Junhui’s father. So the very next day, Junhui had classes to attend to. He was even hesitant to leave Soonyoung’s side but the latter insisted. He dropped him off to school. Soonyoung drove to the church next. It was a weekday and too early for elderly to drop by for their afternoon prayers. So Soonyoung was welcomed by the quiet atmosphere of the chapel. Soonyoung spotted Pastor Wen immediately, he was busily reading the bible when Soonyoung walked up to him. 

  
  


“Good morning, Pastor.” He greeted the pastor who raised his hand as he quickly glanced at Soonyoung, but he looked back immediately when he saw who was standing below the platform. 

  
  


“Kwon Soonyoung.” He said. Soonyoung nodded. The pastor was surprised because he was the least person he’d expected to see for the day. He wondered if,“Does Jun know you’re in town?” He asked. 

  
  


“Yes, sir. We talked last night… and I dropped him off to school.” Soonyoung said. That made Soonyoung nervous, he was never that type of boy who’d get to know his ex-girlfriend’s parents before but Junhui is different,  _ he’d do anything for him. _

  
  


“Would you like some tea?” Pastor Wen invited him.

  
  


“I would actually like to confess, Pastor.” He answered politely. Pastor Wen seemed off guard but kept his composure and nodded. 

“Follow me, then.” He directed Soonyoung to the confessional. Soonyoung found himself settling, kneeling, hands clasped together. He waited for a moment and then said,“Father.”

  
  


“Yes?” The Pastor asked, ready to take his confession.

  
  


“Forgive me for I have fallen in love.” Soonyoung said in a monotone, nails digging on the back of his hands. A confession Pastor Wen is familiar with, a confession his own son said months ago. 

  
  


“I fell in love with someone I want to offer my soul to, the very center of my very own universe. I need him, I love him more than anything. A destruction of my being but I would let him do it, father. I would let him take whatever he needs of me, I am willing to do anything for him as long as he’s happy. I love him more than he knows of,  _ more than I know of. _ It is frowned upon in our church but I beg of you to accept me as his lover, to accept him, accept  _ us. _ We did nothing wrong but be bare with the truest of ourselves. Forgive me, Pastor, for I fell in love with your son.” Soonyoung continued. It was a confession of love, an act of bravery to stand up for a love he dearly wants. He sees Jun and he knows he wants nothing more than to hold him close, kiss him lovingly and be able to tell him that he had him in the cruel world where he doesn’t have to run away from the terrors of life because he has  _ Soonyoung, _ he will always have Soonyoung. 

  
  


“Religion is not an excuse to hate people who just want to love, it is your right to do so. You don’t have to ask for forgiveness because you fell in love. Whether with a man or not. You shall not see it as a sin. There is no greater lesson that the church taught me than to love your family, your neighbor and accept what people are. You did not hurt anyone so forgiveness is not needed. Please take care of my son. I know you love him as much as he does.” Pastor Wen answered, there were tears falling down in Soonyoung’s cheeks. 

* * *

Junhui went directly to his home when he was dismissed, in a quick pace to go back to where Soonyoung is staying but when he walked past the dinner room, he saw him sitting with his father. Greatly immersed with the conversation with the older man. His father glanced past Soonyoung and saw him with a surprised expression plastered on his face. Soonyoung seemed to take a hint and turned his head to look at him too. He stood there frozen, having no idea what had happened to lead to their situation. 

  
  


“Soonyoung visited the church today.” His father explained. He felt his chest tightening, unable to tell if the visit went well but his worries vanished when Soonyoung smiled at him. 

* * *

Soonyoung did not ask him to come home with him, nor did his father. Life continued as it is, every weekend Soonyoung visited him, stayed with him until he needed to come back to attend his schooling. Junhui misses him for most of the days but it doesn’t hurt him like it did anymore because Soonyoung knows where to find him and he holds him close when he’s near. 

Then they talked about college then they consulted their parents, they asked them what their plans were. Junhui wanted to pursue music while Soonyoung wanted to dance. Then it was decided, they were going to attend a performing art school. Soonyoung’s mom even suggested that they stay in one dorm, which they eventually agreed on. Junhui was still trying to grasp on the fact that their parents did not only accept them but also supported them, he couldn’t ask for more.

Graduation came, Soonyoung’s ceremony happened first. It was the first time Junhui went back to the town after leaving. He gave Soonyoung a hug after. Soonyoung delightly hugged him back. After that, they had dinner. Morning after, Junhui visited his friends who surprisingly started bawling their eyes out when he saw them. He owed them an explanation so he gave it to them. Jeonghan was livid, and wanted to track down the boys who gave him a hard time when he was a kid. Jeonghan said he didn’t deserve it, he said things that made Junhui smile because it was so Jeonghan. But they didn’t force him to come back home. They understood and supported his decision but wished to see him more often. He promised them they will. Seungcheol and Jisoo hugged him tight before letting him go, Jeonghan had a hard time letting his hand go but Junhui laughed and told him he had to go. So Jeonghan yelled at him to keep in touch, he nodded and went off to meet Soonyoung.

When his graduation came, Soonyoung went out of his way and woke him up with a large bouquet as a greeting. Junhui almost slapped him with the flowers just to erase the teasing grin on Soonyoung’s face. He had dinner with his father, Soonyoung’s parents and Soonyoung himself. Jeonghan texted him endlessly with congratulations and Seungcheol, Jisoo and he were driving to town and expected Junhui to be their tour guide. He had spent the weekend dragging Soonyoung with him to accompany his friends. 

June came and he and Soonyoung’s settled on their new apartment just fine. They moved in early to get used to the new environment. It was Junhui’s birthday when he was woken up by Soonyoung. 

  
  


“Wake up, sleepyhead.” Soonyoung poked his waist again, Junhui whined and tried to pull the blanket over his head but Soonyoung was pulling from the other end. 

  
  


“Come on, Junnie. It’s your birthday.” Soonyoung practically begged, Junhui sighed in resignation and sat up. Glaring at Soonyoung for waking him up early when he was the very reason he was up late. 

  
  


“Happy birthday, darling.” Soonyoung greeted and softly pecked on his lips. Junhui huffed but still chased after Soonyoung when he pulled away. 

  
  


“Thank you.” He answered, Soonyoung smiled and crawled back to bed. He cupped Junhui’s cheeks, rubbing his thumb on his skin. 

  
  


“I love you most,” Soonyoung said before kissing him again. This time, it lasted long. It was so loving that Junhuui felt like he was floating but he always felt Soonyoung’s touch burning against his skin. Soonyoung slowly pushed him back down as he kissed every mole he could see in plain sight, leaving a trail of marks. Junhui gasped lightly, his hand on Soonyoung’s hair. 

Soonyoung kissed his inner thigh before glancing at him, asking permission to continue. Junhui nodded, incoherently saying yes. Soonyoung wrapped his lips around Junhui’s cock, kissing the slit before he bobs his head down again. It drove Junhui insane. He moaned, Soonyoung watched him with hunger. Eager to please Junhui. He let go with a loud pop and subtly stroked as he peppered Junhui’s thigh with wet kisses. 

His hand slid down, rubbing his thumb against Junhui’s puckered hole. Junhui let out a moan, Soonyoung stared at him, teasing him even more. He grabbed for the lube as soon as Junhui started to beg. He slid one finger in with an ease, curling his finger. Junhui arched his back in pleasure. He asked for more so Soonyoung gave him more. He added another one, then added one until Junhui was a sobbing mess. It didn’t take long for Soonyoung to comply with the demand Junhui kept on stuttering. He slowly slid his cock inside Junhui who gasped, Soonyoung let him adjust to the length. Junhui started bucking his hips, Soonyoung practically growled as he thrusted deeper. 

  
  


“You’re everything,” He whispered against Junhui’s ear. He rolled his hips more, it was hitting Junhui’s prostate with every thrust. Junhui had his hand digged in Soonyoung’s skin,“to me.” Soonyoung grunted. Junhui marveled with a smile as he kissed Soonyoung’s lips again. He comes, Soonyoung knew he was close, he mindlessly fucks Jun as he showers his chest with kisses. Junhui clenched around him and he came inside him. Junhui just recovered from their high, he chuckled at Soonyoung and kissed his cheek. 

  
  


“You mean everything to me.” Junhui mumbled, Soonyoung smiled. He worships Junhui since the day he met him, probably he will for the rest of his life. 


End file.
